I have always been in love with the thought of my Mom. Due to a crazy medical mishap she was left in a state after my birth where although she is here, she is not the "Debbie" everyone knew. I never got to know the person she was. The person that she is amazes me every day. To go through the whole story would take it's own blog. Bottom line is medicine is imperfect and left her a quadriplegic with limited communication. What happened to my Mom forces me to push myself everyday to try to be the daughter she would want me to be. That is a hard thing to face and close impossible to live up to. Yet I try.
She has always been the most amazing cook, the best decorator, beautiful beyond words and about a million other great things that I am in awe of. "Your Mom was amazing, did you know she"... well no I didn't! I think that might be the hardest thing. To have someone so amazing give their life for you and never get to have them hold a conversation with you is just dumbfounding.
This brings me to the point of my blog. I have been trying to live up to an ideal. A person who I have created in my own little head. Someone I never met and at the same time drive myself to be. But I am just me... little old me. Imperfect, tired, hopeful and just trying to make it through day by day. Can I ever live up to my Mom?
In her honor I would like to reach out to everyone who knew my Mom and have them share a story. I would love to get to know her. At the same time I would love to share my experiences as a Mom and hope that if anyone else shares this path that we can learn together.
My youngest held up a picture last night and asked, "was this picture from when Grandma Debbie could talk like us?" I replied, "No sweetie that was when you were a baby," FYI that was very confusing to a 5 year old. "Well when could she talk like you and me Mommy?" Yikes, she plucked all my heart strings at once!
OK onto my life. I work full time as a publicist. I volunteer at school and am the Cheer fundraiser, I started selling Gold Canyon Candles to support my girls cheer and gymnastics and thought starting a cake business would round things off. I'm a mess. LOL
I am throwing myself in every direction trying to find my way. My newest story starts today... stay tuned!
